-hel-bel- (lil_miss_helen) wrote,

  • Music:

ok then

wow life really knows how to make you realize you're not in control. after the "wonderful" announcement of above-the-lines, when i found out i am audience services manager (by the way, blake morales had this position my freshman year...enough said) i pretty much decided sharla highly dislikes me. i'm not going to say hate, because that's a little too strong. after i received my position, i started thinking back to other events, such as when she didn't write a letter of recommendation for me for almost 2 months, when i was conveniently not asked again to help with recruitment on saturday mornings, when she never responded to my e-mails while I was in Harlaxton, etc. Granted, I now realize that she was probably busy helping out Patti and Barry and Glenn, which I feel horrible about now, but I just feel absolutely shafted from her. I think the icing on the cake, however, was today. We got our financial aid packages in the mail, and mine did NOT include an assistantship. For one thing I was counting on it because I really really need that money, plus I had one last year so I thought I was a shoe-in. Had I known I would not receive it two years in a row, perhaps I would have saved my assistantship for a later year, as opposed to sophomore year. So that's awesome. Now it's absolutely positively true: Sharla hates me. When we found out about above-the-lines, I about had an emotional breakdown, because I also realized that night that not a single person from home had called me in the month that I have been here. Miss Robyn tried to call me and meet up with me and I had to dog sit (I'm still sad that didn't work out), and my bff from home had called twice. Awesome. Good thing I apparently don't have any friends from UE or Harlaxton or Lincoln. So that was a not-so-fun night. So now we're to tonight. And I'm trying to figure out what I did wrong to Sharla, trying to figure out why the theatre department doesn't like me or think I can excel, trying to figure out if I am going to receive the training and education I need for my field from Evansville or if I have to look elsewhere, but not at all questioning my involvement in other activities at UE. My sorority, OL's, AA's and everything else I'm a part of has truly defined my UE experience and I feel blessed to have gotten to share so many experiences with so many people. So if theatre is mad at my involvement elsewhere, I guess I don't care, because I love the choices I've made. I'm just trying to figure out what God is telling me in all of this. He's been doing some absolutely amazing things in my life recently, and I feel as if I haven't thanked Him enough, so maybe this is his way of reminding me who's in control. Nonetheless, prayers would be much appreciated. And if anyone else is out there wondering what the heck is going on in their life (I'm almost positive there are a few of you), just know that you are NEVER alone. I'll be thinking of all of you and praying for you :) I swear I'll update soon with what I've been doing, and have it not be a depressing one, I just didn't have anyone to talk to here so I chose the internet to be my open ear. Hope you have a beautiful day!

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